Saturday 23 July 2011

I Heart Algerian Soccer Moms

Zoning out and being screamed at by their kids. That’s Paris in a nutshell.  I went there for my birthday recently, which happens to be Bastille Day, France’s national day. Hopefully future historians will have the ability to distinguish between motion picture event and real life situation, because Bastille Day ain’t no Amelie. In reality it’s a lot more Children of Men. It’s fathers on the metro whispering prayers to their crushed child, grim faced police with guns forming impassable human walls and mothers screaming so deeply from their lungs that it sent a chill down my spine. Never go to France on La Fête Nationale, it’s apocalyptic. They even had 30 year old men in trousers and knitted vests watching 50 Cent videos on the free internet at the Georges Pompidou Centre. Now that's grim.





The hottest act in Paris right now. Before YouTubing, please ensure you have at least 3 buckets ready to spew in.









If only I could have beamed myself up to the Snog outlet in Covent Garden, which I’m not sure if anyone’s noticed lately, is where the spirit of G.A.Y has been transferred since the destruction of the Astoria.


There it lives on until the Astoria can be rebuilt and its ‘Katra’ can be restored. Seriously though, it's full on. They're cranking Euro Trance and Electro Dance like it's going out of fashion. I think it must be something to do with the 16 year old party animals they're employing as management, cause I've been to the Soho branch and it's like the chill out room for the Covent Garden one. I’m literally gonna go there as often as I can, nowhere else is documenting gay rave culture in the 90’s quite like it.



Senior management meeting at Snog Covent Garden.






I’d love it if they had one of those Blue Plaques for notable past residents on the front of that place you know, that’s an amazing hypothetical photo opportunity waiting to happen. You could read all about how John Knox hatched plans for the Protestant Reformation there in 1532 whilst twinks dish out frozen yoghurt to thumping Jungle Trance.


Fierce.


It’d be excellent if people wrote any old shit on the outside of their house for the entertainment of the public, like ridiculous YouTube comments for example. Which it would seem, happen to be a window to the human psyche that has never before been available to science. Some examples:

 “If God created the heaven and hell then heaven can you can find somewhere on earth can the afterlife but hell you find in my soul”

“why do i watch these, i know ill always cry because, i may be a 13 year old boy, i still cry every time i see one of these vids, i hate how i always end up watching these, its ruin's my day”

Next time I try to get some group therapy sessions out of the NHS I’m gonna take along a print out of some 13 year old Armenian boy's YouTube account.

They might offer it to me that time.

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